A morning that has broken

my patience and faith. It is impossible to to try to correct the world. I am not upset, am pensive.

I am trying to mentally trace my life from 1996, when I was so sure about everything in my life. School was traumatic, most of it. Teachers were loud, and demanding. Umpteen tuitions, and those fake group study sessions with friends, they all make me feel sick even today.

I am thinking about how my father woke me up in the wee hours for my early morning tutions at schools. When all the alarm clocks, mechanical and electrical ones gave up on me, Dad was there for me always. His technique was unique. He would catch hold of my arm and pull it violently. At that point of time, I thought of him as the most tyrannic father. I also think that one of my hands has actually grown longer than the other because of this.

Well, now that school is over, and even as I made it through college and university all by myself, sometimes I wish he would come here and wake me up with his pulling and screaming. I miss the summer mornings in the university and the warm winters in Delhi. Did not think they could be my best days. Back then, I spent most of my time thinking of a nice bright future. Hey, and now that I am in that "future", I am a little disappointed.

Some how I am convinced that the past was better and glorious. The present, is only concrete, tar roads, ugly grey skyscrapers, and shady underpaths. Miss the Gulmohars on Campus. Miss the bus rides in the capital, and my small victories over eve teasing. I miss the joblessness and the anticipation of a better career after graduation, and post graduation. What is that I am missing most in my present, I cannot say.

My character is intact, and the fire in the belly is still there. Now I feel puky, i feel the fire has caused severe constipation. It has also taken a toll on my sleep. Humm, is a career so important after all? Gawd, is this the beginning of mid-twenty blues??